KNOWING PEOPLE IN NEGOTIATION. THE “EMISSARIES”, intermediaries of toxic people.

Emissaries: some people don’t realize they are being used by others to cause harm.

The end of the problem is not always the end of the suffering. In fact, when we talk about relationships with people modernly referred to as toxic, this statement becomes more representative than in any other case.

Imagine that we have managed to put an end to a relationship with a toxic profile. It could be a relative, a partner, a spouse, or a coworker, as the mode of operation is usually always the same.

Let’s take, for example, the situation where we have gathered the courage and managed to step out of the influence of someone with a particularly harmful impact on our relationship with them, generating constant conflicts. Furthermore, we may be convinced that everything has been solved and that the situations have been pacified by dissolving the ties with the so-called “toxic” person or people. In many cases, we believe everything is solved, but in some situations, there is still one more step to address: carefully analyzing whether the bond is truly cut. The question here, especially if the conflict and relationship were with an “abusive profile,” is: do you think that abusive profile will let you “get away” easily?

In those situations, when distance is created from a “toxic profile,” when distancing occurs, there remains a final phase, which we call the “phase of the emissaries.” To understand how the emissary phase works and to provide the correct response, we must make an effort of imagination to try to comprehend how the toxic, abusive, or parasitic profile feels now that it has “lost” us.

Some react by playing the victim, others with an ego attack, or there are even those who act offended. This mini-phase tends to be relatively short since they quickly realize that the decision we made is irreversible.

On the other hand, they know we are “out of their line of fire.” They no longer reach us. Perhaps we’ve blocked them, perhaps not, but their messages no longer matter to us; in any case, they know they have lost all control over us. Desperate – although they may never show it or admit it – they will play their last card: “die killing.”

And that’s where the so-called “emissaries” come into play. The “emissaries” are, in essence, usually naive and gullible people who fall into the toxic profile’s manipulation. That toxic profile will start speaking ill of us, devaluing us, and slandering us, and to achieve this, they won’t hesitate to distort the truth, use anyone within their reach who could serve their purpose, or whatever it takes. We must not forget that within this collection, there are psychopathic personalities.

The emissaries believe it – as it’s clear they don’t shine for their sharpness or judgment, and they are, in fact, chosen with total premeditation and malice – and they present themselves as defenders of the poor toxic profile, which apparently is suffering so much because of us. In response, we do our thing: block. Don’t engage in the discussion. We focus our attention on what really matters.

A toxic profile cannot bear that we are not with them. Additionally, they won’t let it go. As a Spanish psychologist once said: “…hey, let them live. Let them enjoy life. Look, a world full of possibilities and people to manipulate opens up for them, books to read, and trips to take.”

What is interesting to analyze in this case is: how do they manage to gain followers and emissaries for their cause? Well, their preferred strategy is to evoke pity and present themselves as victims, knowing that there is always someone naive enough to defend them, pity their suffering, and administer the justice they think they deserve. Well, they have another strategy, which specifically consists of portraying you as a monster so that no one will want to be with you and isolate you. They follow the maxim of “if it’s not for me, it’s for no one.” If they can do it publicly, even better, as that way they leave you humiliated. Well, look, relax, that aggressiveness and speaking ill of you publicly, whether on social media or in the street, is the best sign that their intention is entirely toxic. In fact, if they had a conciliatory intention, they would try to talk to you privately and with a more friendly tone.

By their actions, you will recognize them. The one who wants to do harm will try by all means. This is the main characteristic of the toxic profile. Moreover, if it’s public, then even better.

In contrast, the person who has suffered from a toxic profile is a discreet person, who doesn’t go into details and doesn’t want to polarize anyone against the person who mistreated them. They simply live, try to heal their wounds, and focus on building. What I mean by this is: don’t waste a single second protecting yourself from the emissaries. Just block, ignore, and focus on what matters, as you surely have many things to do.

The toxic profile insists. It pursues. It punishes. And again, it exposes its toxicity to clear any doubts for those who have a modicum of common sense.