¿What does it mean to be a resilient person?

Life is a journey full of ups and downs, with sweet moments interspersed with more bitter ones. Along the way, there are circumstances that can test our coping ability, pushing us to our limits and causing us great pain. A breakup, the death of a loved one, a career failure, or a financial loss are some examples of this.

The truth is that no one is exempt from experiencing these events, although the way we cope with them can vary from person to person. In this sense, there are those who seem to be made of something different. Despite the blows they receive in life, they always manage to get back up and keep moving forward. In these cases, a psychological concept comes into play: we are talking about resilience.

Resilience is defined as the ability to overcome adversity, so that the person manages to move forward despite the pain, even using those experiences as a source of learning and growth. The fact that an individual is resilient does not make them immune to suffering. Rather, this quality relates to the ability to integrate that pain without it becoming paralyzing. Generally, those who handle critical scenarios well are able to adapt to the reality they live in, successfully adjusting to the challenges presented to them.

The truth is that resilience is an inherent capacity in humans. As a species, we are designed to pursue survival, which often forces us to adapt to particularly difficult situations. However, it is true that there are individuals with a more marked tendency to be resilient. This quality cannot be defined in dichotomous terms (all/nothing), as resilience and vulnerability are two extremes of a continuum.

Along the spectrum, people can be positioned at different points, though we all have a little bit of that instinct that pushes us to fight in the face of difficulty. Additionally, resilience is not a stable trait. On the contrary, a person may show immense resilience at one point in their life and, in another, feel completely overwhelmed.

An important thing to keep in mind is that resilience is not synonymous with the absence of pathology. Often, the situation in which the individual finds themselves is so threatening that adaptation requires desperate measures. The person’s internal balance may be sacrificed in order to keep going. For example, people who have suffered repeated abuse in childhood may continue to appear functional in their daily lives thanks to the mechanism of dissociation.

Although fragmenting the personality in this way severely damages the person’s mental health, it is the most effective way to endure the pain while the danger looms. However, in less extreme stress situations, it is possible for the person to adapt with positive results without lasting consequences.

Likewise, we must recognize that resilience is not an innate trait or something that depends solely on one’s will. In reality, this quality is more likely to develop when the person has protective factors at the individual, family, and even community levels. In other words, resilience is built through the interaction of the person with their social group.

Some of the variables that help people cope better with adversity are:

• Good social skills
• Empathy
• Realistic expectations
• Self-esteem and self-efficacy
• Having a stable family environment
• Feeling loved and cared for
• Perseverance
• Living in a safe place
• Having a comfortable home
• Problem-solving skills

¿Can resilience be trained?

As we mentioned a few lines above, we all have a bit of that instinct that pushes us forward. However, there are those who seem to have much more ease in handling life’s crises. The good news is that resilience is indeed a quality we can train and strengthen in different ways:

• Care for social relationships: Resilient people often have a strong and functional social network that provides them with support during difficult times. This is why it is key to take care of our relationships with family, partners, friends… Maintaining frequent and satisfying interactions strengthens us.
• Choose the right coping strategy: When we face a problem or crisis, we need to ask ourselves a question: Can I solve this problem? If the answer is yes, it makes sense to look for ways to address the issue. However, this doesn’t always happen. There are times when problems cannot be solved, and what we need to do is work on the emotions that this situation causes us. Sometimes we get fixated on changing an unchangeable reality, and that makes us suffer doubly.
• Have a sense of purpose: When we have a “why” in our life, we can analyze difficulties with greater perspective. Having a sense of purpose is like having a horizon that can always be seen in the distance, even though there are many mountains to climb. When we lack these foundations, it’s easy to feel completely hopeless at the first sign of change.